Some thoughts have been running through my head over and over and I can't get them out of my head. Again. Maybe writing them will make me feel better.
When I hear a sad song, it make me reflect. This is something I hate to do. Really I do. This is because I look back at how much I've done, and how little it amounts to. How many people I'll never meet, nor measure up to. I remember how small, dark, and isolated my world, the island of me truly is.
I look and see how much I could be, how much I could have done had I taken a different path, but I can't turn back now. I can't take every path in life, as much as I'd love to. I want to experience and see everything. Through it all, I want to see how much I, as a person, as a human being, as a representation of our species, change, grow, and learn.
It's selfish, to desire everything, every memory, every story of every human being. But why, from my essence, is that what I feel I so deeply desire. I want to know everyone's story, everyone's viewpoint. I want to do everything, see everything.
Yet I don't.
I'm a paradox of a person, a mirror of a man. I don't even understand the me smiling back at me in the puddle. Who am I? Who is he? Is he me? Was I me yesterday? Will I be me tomorrow?
Are these questions irrelevant?
Maybe this is simply the ravings of a tired high school student, or many something profound. Or many both. or maybe neither. Who's to say this is really reality. Matrix stuff whoo.
But seriously. If you just woke up one day, would this self that we live in disappear? Are we simply a shell? Do our feelings matter? Why do we feel our feelings matter? Shouldn't they? Should they not be important? Are memories real or fabricated? Do we create our own world from day to day to suit our needs? Is the world around us a fabrication of the mind? Or does the mind not even exist?
Now I know I'm raving. Anyway... it's nice to get that off my chest. No one may read this, but that's okay. A journal is for personal use and that is what I intend to keep this as. If someone runs across this, hopefully it serves as some useful knowledge, or an eye opener. If that even really matters in the long run.
But back to my rail-less train of thought. Let's take for example anime. I watch it. I watch quite a bit. But I will never be able to watch it all. It is the sad fact. I simply don't have the time. So why do we pursue things we don't have the time for. We are we always looking to escape into a different world.
And on another topic of humanity, why do we always feel the need to ridicule someone. I'm no exception, but I'm wary of it, and try to avoid the rudeness. But I guess we do it for make conversation. I've found three main things you can make conversation about:
I had something else but forgot it.
Whatever, this was pointless anyway.
Reed R Gale