Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Best You Can Be?

I've been thinking about things again, and feel the need to post it. So I will.

I've been wondering about why parents try to shelter their young. Isn't immunity the best protection? Isn't the best defense against knowledge to know as soon as possible? Is there a point when a person is ready for certain knowledge? can we not handle the truth?

And also... Why do we shoot for the best. I'll admit, I do it often. But honestly, whenever I think about it, I feel a... pointlessness an unreachable longing. No matter what I do or how hard I try, I will never be at the top. I will never, ever be the best. And who's to say anyone is really the best. Do our lives amount to anything? If lives amount to lives, then the meaning is 0... or any other number really. Value can't really be placed, can it? The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy lies.

Why do I feel like such a failure all the time? Why do I feel this way? Do other people feel this way? Do they look at the other person and wonder, "What are they good at?" I almost feel like a stepping stone at times. Like, I'm a foothold for others to get ahead. I really do. Do I do it willingly? Unknowingly? I like to help... but...

Do my dreams matter? Does anyone's?

Life is such a scary illusion.

But fear is an illusion as well.


Reed R Gale

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Day 11 (Kind of)

Oops. Missed a few days.

I remembered what I wanted to say though. Is something important because we waste time on it, or is it that we waste time on something because it's important. Both I'd say.

ANYWAY, not much has happened. I gave my presentation on Wednesday, and today I finished my article. And I found out that someone entered me in the school pageant. What. What? WHAT!? Whatever. I'll participate. I haven't gotten to sing in front of a crowd since middle school's choir.

That's something I miss at high school, there's no choir to participate in. Our school is very STEM oriented, so there's no sports team (save for Ultimate Frisbee) and Robotics. Sporty. I can't deny, those require teamwork and Frisbee is like soccer with your hands... but come now, 2 teams? Whatever. But they don't have choir. I am displeased.

My sister asked me if I believed in God. I said, if God exists, he will treat me fairly. He knows what I'm going to do anyway. She also said I was sad, as in pitiable for not having anything to believe in. I said I believe in my friends, myself, and my family. If I can't trust those, why should I trust in a cosmic being that only puppeteers us all. I trust what I can see.

Love. How do you use the word? Love to me is something that you like so much you would be willing to die for it. I don't love anything. I think. Or maybe I love everything. I feel so many things are above me in worth. So many deny that though. I'm glad they think that way... but I wonder. I bring this up because my cat, who has been missing for the past week, has returned. She had a nasty gash on her face and had to have surgery. Poor thing.

But that's not why I was thinking what I was thinking. My sister thinks that I feel happy and that I love my cat. By her definition, yes, I might. Should I answer that way to her, or should I try to inform her what I believe is different. One is lying, but the other will lead her to misunderstand. How can one truly understand another?

Does anyone even try? Probably, but I think... well trying implies failure. But I've gotta wonder--has anyone ever known anyone completely?

Maybe God knows?


Reed R Gale

Monday, February 20, 2012

Day 10

What is the meaning of the internet and is it more important than the meaning of life?



Not much happened today so I'll just go on a psychological ranting spree like usual. In my mind. But now it's one a blog! Yippy!

Paracosm. That's a new word I learned a while ago, and I was wondering if I have one. I still vividly dream of fantasy worlds at night, and before I go to bed, I always try to imagine another world. Contrary to what stuff online says, my paracosm gets stronger and more vivid as I get older and not the other way round. If that were possible. Have I discovered the fountain of youth?


I've been reading the rules of the internet. Those are so true. Reading them (if you are a person relatively versed in the culture of the internet) will be so true and so funny to you. But not to those silly internet illiterate people who have LIVES. Those silly people.

It's nagging me in the back of my head. I had something I wanted to say here just an hour previously, but now I have forgotten! Woe is me! What intellectual jewel hath I forgotten about that I cannot post on this awesomely beautiful blog! I deserve to dieeeee---...

Or not. If I died, who would continue to blog here. And help my friends on osu.

Speaking of death, my friends at school and I have a running gag that I can die, and in fact die quite frequently, however I come back on Tuesdays. Why Tuesday? It seemed right at the time.

Who knows, really.


Reed R Gale

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Day 9

I really don't feel like writing right now, but I promised myself. I can do this.

...I just read about two webcomics. I'm awesome.

Anyway, now that I'm a little less distracted, guess what I have for all you readers out there (population 0)~! Religious stuff!

So God is supposed to be an omnipotent, omniscient being that creates us all, right? If that's true, he knows exactly how we're going to turn out when were created, everything we're going to do, and every that well ever be done, ever. If that's true, then isn't everything we do the will of God? He planned it all, every step of the way, right?

My point is, why bother trying to be something you're not. If God made you the way you are, do what you think is right. Whatever you choose, God intended it to be that way.


Whatever, it doesn't really matter anyway.

I'm tired. I got 5 hours of sleep last night.

Good night.


Reed R Gale

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Day 8

Happy Confirmation day! For my friends.

Religion isn't a huge pursuit of mine, but it's important to a lot of my friends, so cheers to them for finishing their Confirmation course! Epic. They can now continue down the path to God's awesomeness. Or something.

God is a wrathful, but cool guy. He actually took the time out of his busy day to make his son do recon on the human race. That man, while we nailed him to a cross, reported that we are, indeed, forgivable and all that jazz. Jesus is coo. Hey Zeus!

Anyway! I don't have much psychological bullshit going on today. My friend mentioned that I'm like this:

"Hmm. Those are traits :3 You are stoic most of the time. You don't show much active emotion. You are contemplative, and you seem to see the world in your own light, which is really cool ^_^ you can be a bit cynical at times too you are honest to the extent of my knowledge, and your motivation at times seems solely based on the fact that you hate doing nothing ^_^"

For the most part, it seems rather true. Am I that easy to read?

Meh. I kinda wanted to be more mysterious.

":) What? Not to your liking?"

Don't read my mind now.

Not much else to... I lied. Okay, so I wrote before I was writing a story for a friend. I guess I could talk about that. Fill up that 10 minute time period (more or less). Basically, we're trying to write a game off of my dimension idea. I'm the writer. That was kinda boring.

Okay, so the story is about a girl named Ardea in the Medieval Ages, who wants to become a knight like her father, but her mother (and the rest of the world) wants her to be a good proper young lady and to learn girly things and the like. She doesn't take that crap from no one and plans to get out while she can.

Maybe I'll post some of the stuff up here some time. Eventually. Maybe. I might. I probably won't. Yeah. I don't think I will.


Reed R Gale

Friday, February 17, 2012

Day 7

Oh wow. A whole week has gone by. And I haven't missed a day of blogging yet. Cool.

Not much happened today. I failed a test in Literature because I know the lowest test will be dropped, I think I passed the Spanish test, my speech was delayed in Physics... again. Oh yes, and I learned how to make my article better. Angles.

Angles are beautiful. They allow you to see things from a different perspective. I've thought this way for a while, but whenever I heard about angles of a story, I was kind of thinking in terms of 90 degree angles. Good, bad, neutral. Three sides. When honestly, those are just regions. They harbor all the different points of view one can take when hearing the argument.

But I still wonder how many of us think for ourselves. In a world of so much mingling, like our world today, our thoughts are very much influenced by the media surrounding us. How many of us actually think original thoughts. In the whole scheme of things, isn't life a gigantic road of self discovery? Is death really the end of the road.

My friend brought up an interesting point... from me. We were talking about roads how life is a path which we travel. I kept telling my friend to stop looking back at the past. He said that sometimes, the past is more fun. Then I said, "Isn't it more fun to walk forward with your eyes closed?"

Fun, but ignorant. I lied there a little bit. I do walk forward with my eyes closed sometimes, but does it really matter? The road of life is a dark one. I can't really make definite shape of what I see on it. Everything is misty and confusing. But I can say I almost never look back. All metaphorically of course.

I'm so meta even this acronym

I always think of that when I think of metaphorically. Okay, not always, but a lot of the time. That one line is an interesting puzzle, indeed. Life is a puzzle, really, with no set goal in mind we turn the infinite x infinite Rubik's Cube of life to get interesting colors all on one side, but no one can really see the whole cube.

I make really stupid comparisons at times.

Well I promised my friend I'd work on his story for his game a little tonight. So I will.


Reed R Gale

Day 6.5

Some thoughts have been running through my head over and over and I can't get them out of my head. Again. Maybe writing them will make me feel better.

When I hear a sad song, it make me reflect. This is something I hate to do. Really I do. This is because I look back at how much I've done, and how little it amounts to. How many people I'll never meet, nor measure up to. I remember how small, dark, and isolated my world, the island of me truly is.

I look and see how much I could be, how much I could have done had I taken a different path, but I can't turn back now. I can't take every path in life, as much as I'd love to. I want to experience and see everything. Through it all, I want to see how much I, as a person, as a human being, as a representation of our species, change, grow, and learn.

It's selfish, to desire everything, every memory, every story of every human being. But why, from my essence, is that what I feel I so deeply desire. I want to know everyone's story, everyone's viewpoint. I want to do everything, see everything.

Yet I don't.

I'm a paradox of a person, a mirror of a man. I don't even understand the me smiling back at me in the puddle. Who am I? Who is he? Is he me? Was I me yesterday? Will I be me tomorrow?

Are these questions irrelevant?

Maybe this is simply the ravings of a tired high school student, or many something profound. Or many both. or maybe neither. Who's to say this is really reality. Matrix stuff whoo.

But seriously. If you just woke up one day, would this self that we live in disappear? Are we simply a shell? Do our feelings matter? Why do we feel our feelings matter? Shouldn't they? Should they not be important? Are memories real or fabricated? Do we create our own world from day to day to suit our needs? Is the world around us a fabrication of the mind? Or does the mind not even exist?

Now I know I'm raving. Anyway... it's nice to get that off my chest. No one may read this, but that's okay. A journal is for personal use and that is what I intend to keep this as. If someone runs across this, hopefully it serves as some useful knowledge, or an eye opener. If that even really matters in the long run.

But back to my rail-less train of thought. Let's take for example anime. I watch it. I watch quite a bit. But I will never be able to watch it all. It is the sad fact. I simply don't have the time. So why do we pursue things we don't have the time for. We are we always looking to escape into a different world.

And on another topic of humanity, why do we always feel the need to ridicule someone. I'm no exception, but I'm wary of it, and try to avoid the rudeness. But I guess we do it for make conversation. I've found three main things you can make conversation about:

1. People/Things
2. Concepts
3. ...

I had something else but forgot it.

Whatever, this was pointless anyway.


Reed R Gale

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Day 6

It doesn't suck. That's good. My first article for journalism doesn't suck. That's good.

Well, that presentation is tomorrow, I guess I'll give it my all. But first I need to finish Wind Sand and Stars. It's books like WWS that inspire me. They are so beautifully written. So poetic. Yet the tale is about the everyday hero. Well... sort of anyway. It amazes me how much one can describe a human being, how much one can analyze a situation, how much the human race can break down and philosophize the everyday life. Truly fascinating.

On osu! my friend and I want to make a game. I don't know where he plans to get the rest of his staff. Really I don't, but I'm the writer. He and I are going over concepts and this is what we have come to so far:

The main character is going to be from our world. She falls in love with her childhood friend, then she goes on an RPG quest through different worlds like Kingdom Hearts. That's the gameplay, I'm just summing things up, but it's going to be awesome.

Fate Stay Night. I've been interested in it since I've seen it, but never really got around to watching it. Good thing I did, because I found out it came from a visual novel. Those are always better. Much like chaos;head. That thing was great, but when I watched the anime (which I saw first) I had no clue what was going on. That was because the base story was taking place in the main character's head.

The important parts were his thoughts, and those were only skimmed over. There was no way that anime should have been made for viewing. If anything, it was for advertising purposes. But steins;gate, now that's a different story. That anime was kickass. Seriously. Time traveling, parallel universes. The works. I can't wait for a translated version of the visual novel. I just noticed that parallel has two "l"s next to each other. That could be like the two lines that never intersect. Sneaky.

Now that I think about it, what two lines will never intersect? All lines, if only on a microscopic level, are tilted slightly so that at infinity they would eventually meet... right? How knows.

All this talk of parallel stuff is reminding me of 999. 9 Persons 9 Hours 9 Doors. What a puzzle game, you had to lose at least once to win the game. Very clever. Very interesting. Epiphany, huh?

In the game epiphany was the result when one transferred thoughts through invisible wavelengths or summut. I haven't played the game in a while so I don't remember. But have we ever had an epiphany? Ever had a moment where the answer just comes to you? I have, on rare occasions. Is that our brains cognition... or something else entirely?

Where are memories stored? The brain? I don't think so, because our bodies, even when we have amnesia, follow certain mannerisms and such. Muscle memory. Why do some people have a photographic memory? Hmmm...

Earlier, I asked my friend whether talking over the internet scared him. Isn't it unusual that you can talk to someone who could be pretending to be someone else or a person they're not? Playing the role of a character is what we do online. It makes me a little uneasy that I'm not able to read a situation the same way as I can in real life in a face to face conversation. But few people think about that now. Maybe I should just let it go. It's not important anyway.



Reed R Gale

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Day 5

Ah. The sun has gone out.

There's a friend of mine who much reminded me of the sun. It's something that's always there, and really blinding to look at, yet warm and relaxing to bask in. It helps that she regularly wears bright orange. She was generally energetic... but it seems that she's dimmed over the years. Hmmm. Maybe my memory hasn't caught up with present days.

The sun has gone out and I didn't even notice.

How saddening.

I regularly ask people, "If they could have a superpower, what would it be?" I usually get the typical answers, "the ability to fly", "omnipotence", "Manipulation of insert standard video game element here", and "The power from Prototype". Or something like those. I've personally always liked the idea of barrierkinesis. The ability to create shields. That or the ability to instantaneously transfer energy from one form to another with a touch. Those would be fun.

My sister is watching Rap Battles. She just informed me that Mr. Rogers was in the special forces. I knew that. In fact I had told her that only hours previously. Minus 10 points for her. Wait. She doesn't play. I lost the game. Fauk.

I had one of those two presentations today. It went pretty well. Kind of a shame. I was looking forward to the second one. It was on geothermal energy. A shame, a shame.

I think I have nothing left to say.


Reed R Gale

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Day 4

Oh deary me, today is dreary. Two presentations tomorrow. My dad is being angsty (and with good reason). He took my cell phone and more little sister's cell phone. He gave me a talking to about the rules of the house. The general speel. My sister is getting home late (Repercussion mentioned in past sentences). Hum. I guess today wasn't so bad.

In any case, my friends and I in Osu are planning on making a beatmap collab. Fun stuff. Being the most experienced mapper, I feel somewhat responsible for helping them. Though I've never gotten anything ranked... Ehhhhh... I'll do my best...?

I'm practicing my fencing a lot more lately. Swordplay has always intrigued me. If I could go back in time, I would go to the times when swordplay was an art, it was a prominent sport, when it was influential. Then again, if I have the ability to travel through time, there are many more things I would do with it. Like give myself advice.

Have you ever heard of the song, Letter to Me by Brad Paisley. Yeah. Something like that.

But I'm 16 right now.


I suppose I should work on the Tourney a bit more. I've left it too long. But it still amazes me how much better at writing I've gotten over the course of three years. When I started the novel I was worse of a writer than I am now. Which is pretty bad. And in-eloquent. And fragment using. How many fragments is that now?

I'm too lazy to count. Bah. My writing style in this journal has mainly been stolen from Pendragon. That book series was beautiful. I adored the writing style and must have absorbed it through osmosis. Can't say much about the end though.

Speaking of osmosis, why do we call it that? Osmosis is supposed to be a process that implies water. Learning has very little to do with water.

That was a lie. We need water to live and thus to learn. One degree of separation. Minus 10 points for me. Oh but I proved myself right. Plus 10 points for me.

I have this game I play with me friends, that whenever one of us makes a statement that the others challenge, we then proceed to look it up. If the accused is right, the accusers lose 10 points and the defendant gains 10 and vice versa. It's rather amusing.

I smell poop. My cats must have pooped on the stairs again. I better clean that before my dad has another teenage hissy fit where no one but him gets to speak. But I repeat, most of the time, he is justified. Sometimes.


Reed R Gale

Monday, February 13, 2012

Day 3


School. I guess I'll talk a bit about it seeing as it is the most prominent thing on my mind as of late. As it today. Lately, I've been trying to do better at school as for some reason everyone says it will effect my future. That is true. I know it is. Choosing a school mean choosing who you're going to be living with for the next few years. I means determining what you can and cannot learn, what beliefs you will be steeped in for the next 4 years. It also (biassedly) determine how people see you.

That reminds me why I sign myself as Reed R Gale. I choose this name because it is a name for me. What impression do you get from the name? Common names or names with similarities to celebrities give you an impression of the person before you even meet them, thus I tried to go for a neutral name.

Nonetheless, I get emotions and meanings by breaking down the name. Reed is a blade of grass, usually in a field with many others. No one notices a single blade of grass. No one. R stands for raze, as in to cut. Cutting the grass is a sharp wind... as I imagine it anyway. That breeze or gale is both a prison forcing the cut blade of grass out into the world, liberating it, yet forcing it to go to something new.

Funny how much meaning I put into this "neutral" name. Still it makes people judge me for my actions rather than for my name and I like that.

That reminds me of the internet. On the internet, you can wear whatever mask you want. You can be whatever persona you feel like. If you feel like being a jerk one day, be a jerk. If you feel like being a sweetheart another day, you can be a sweetheart. If you want to be a stalker one day... well... don't do that. That's a bad habit.

Valentine's day is coming up. For me it is Singles Appreciation Day (SAD). But I try to enjoy everyday anyway. Note that I'm not really happy. That's bad apparently, but I'm never really sad either. Is that good? Which reminds me...

To be sad is to not be happy, but to be happy is to not be sad. Are we always one or the other? Where does the circle begin? I can't remember the last time I was really sad or happy. Hum hum. I understand anger and calm though. I need to control my anger.

Well that's all for now.


Reed R Gale

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Day 2

The aforementioned (or not) birthday party happened today. Interesting stuff. Kind of. I made a fool of myself in front of everyone and we played the card game Mao. I assume that's how it's spelled.

Mao is a card game with one spoken rule. You may not speak of the rules of Mao. And the winner adds a rule to the game. But that's irrelevant.

We had fun to say the least. I have a tendency to say whatever is going through my mind at the moment which can end up with some pretty funny results, like I told one of my friends to go to a back room to tell the ending of the movie we were watching to the girlfriend of the friend of whom the birthday was for (that was confusing) because she was leaving. Apparently I said it in a suggestive tone.

Oh yeah. That movie we watched was nice. Something about boxing robots. I can't remember the title. One of the girls there and I were talking about why they gave the robots heads. What was the point? more importantly, why store the core in there. Why not have the robot still able to fight after having it's head torn off. Ultimately, it's simply a hindrance.

And another thing? Why was human boxing obsolete altogether? It's pretty kickass and relieves stress, tension, and testosterone, so... why? The two can coexist... maybe even mingle! No. Nevermind. That's a bad idea.

Locus is still in my mind with his green flat hat and his green vest and his tie and his clean shirt and his deep, dark, black holes for eyes. He seems so... hollow. Would his history revolve around that. Dimensions, when they are forgotten by its host, vanish. Perhaps he is a result of that.

I shoudl explain the dimension theory in my head. Every thought you have ever had, every story every written, every painting ever made, et cetera, harbors a world. The more people that know of that world, the more stable it is. Naturally that world has a past and present which revolves around characters. The most important being a main character. When a traveler enters a world, they usually enter near or around the main character(s).

A world can disappear for a number of reasons:
1) Every physical remnant (medium) of the world is destroyed (book, game, memories).
2) A world can be forced to be destroyed by a powerful traveler to increase their own power (breaking a world down harbors 'chaos' a building block of matter and energy in the story. Just work with it.)
3) The world can destroy itself, breaking itself down into chaos and choose someone to hold its power.

Maybe I could have Locus destroy his own world for destroying everything dear to him. How cliche.

Hm. I'm running out of things to talk about. Oh yes. Nevermind.

School. Currently I'm working a number of things.

That was pretty boring.


Reed R Gale

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Day 1

And so it begins. I'm just going to let my fingers go.

So lately, I've been thinking about a character for a story going on in my mind. I see him as hollow right now as I can't imagine a back story for him, but like usual he has powers, as he is a traveler. I'm willing to bet that green vortex-like flame of his is a chaos flame.

Oh yes, allow me to explain, travelers wander every existence ever devised. Great explanation. Moving on.

So as I envision him, the man wears a green knit flat-hat and a green vest with a green tie and a clean white shirt.

Enough about him (Locus). Lets move onto my day. And what a great one it was. I tried to learn how the bus stop system worked, and let me tell you (being as it's my first time on a bus alone) when you have to figure things out on your own... interesting stuff happens.

First, we had an actual plan to begin with. When I missed my stop the first time around though, that plan went to hell. Then, I got off the bus and went into a local Pizza Hut to... reevaluate the situation. The cashier was a nice lady (albeit her job inclined her to try and sell me something) she summoned another coworker to give me directions to my home.

I followed them. Or tried to anyway. The first transfer was fine and dandy, however I ended up going a full loop on the second time around. The bus driver was nice though as it was all good. We talked about all manner of things, from cooking to groceries, to parents, to friends, to driving. Deep stuff. Then we talked about where I wanted to get. She kindly told me to get off where I got on. And that is how the loop occurred.

Oh but the fun doesn't end there! Once I took her instructions to the next bus stop, I thought I needed to get on a certain bus, (namely the 131) but in reality I needed to get on the 132. Another loop of sillyness takes place and I somehow end up in South Park where my parents end up taking me home.

Yay fun rambling stories!

My friend wants to learn Wing-chun. I think that's how it's spelled anyway. We're going to practice over the summer, although we also tend to spar with whatever we know which ranges from MMA to fencing to Bo Staff. We sound dangerous, but really, we're not. We just have too high of a pain tolerance.

Hum. I have nothing left to say.


Reed R Gale

Friday, February 10, 2012

Oh hello

The goal: 10 to whatever-the-hell-I-feel-like minutes a day to write up whatever my meandering train of thought is blabbing about in my cheez-it of a brain.

The most probable reality: A sucky blog.

Good luck soldier.