Sunday, October 21, 2012

I Am Only Me

And I can only post once in a while.

But I think I will, once again, try to maintain this blog. But not as anything important. It will simply be, as the title states, my own thoughts at the moment. If I forget about this blog again, then darn.

It was never really important anyway.

But it does help me get thoughts down and I have a few to share with myself at the moment:  Why do I get so easily drained, socially.

I don't think it's that huge of a deal, most of the time, but why am I so introverted and yet maintain an extroverted front. I wonder if there is a reason why I try to do it.

It probably has to do with something I resolved when I was younger, a me that wanted to be liked by everyone. I think, now, that while that is a great dream, that everyone could like me, it's an impossible one. So I think I'll find a new dream and pursue it.

But that doesn't answer the main question, namely, why at social events my body's energy hits the ground face first. Why can I pretend to be extroverted at all.

Maybe the answer lies in my going against my own brain's personal nature. I am, by nature, an introvert, and by pretending to be an extrovert it sometimes kills me a little. Even hanging out with one friend for a longer period of time is enough to wear away my miniscule patience.

And that irritates me, like many things do. While I am good at hiding my rage behind words online or in writing, I become a blathering idiot after some time. My thoughts get jumbled like I gigantic symphony gone awry. Chaos ensues and the point is lost.

I think I'm veering from the point again. But what is the point of a blog but to post my thoughts? Besides...these are roundabout ramblings and nothing more.


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