The Best I Can Be

Lately, I've been trying harder.

I wonder if it will amount to anything.

But honestly, I've realized, it doesn't matter. Everything is a mean to its own end. One must do something for the sake of doing that something, nothing more. Ultimately, if you look into it, they all lead to happiness or money, and if they aren't, you've gotta ask, why are you doing it?

I am someone lucky. I'm one who can be happy simply doing. It doesn't really matter what I'm doing, as long as I'm doing it with people I "don't mind", by myself, and I feel it is bettering me in some way. That can be anything from a chore to homework. From exercise to sitting down in a chair to read. From a puzzle to a sport. I'm easily pleased.

I've also found that I hate comparing things. No that isn't right. I hate it when people judge non-factual things and try to compare them. Yes, I know that society is steeped in that and I should just get used to it, but heck, I hate it and little else will change my mind.

For now, if only for now, I feel I have an idea of what defines me in a simple broad sense.

Until then I'll just keep trying hard until someone stops me.

But I won't push myself too hard.

Cheers,

Reed R Gale

P.S. Right now I'm listening to: xi - Ascension to Heaven

The Best You Can Be?

I've been thinking about things again, and feel the need to post it. So I will.

I've been wondering about why parents try to shelter their young. Isn't immunity the best protection? Isn't the best defense against knowledge to know as soon as possible? Is there a point when a person is ready for certain knowledge? can we not handle the truth?

And also... Why do we shoot for the best. I'll admit, I do it often. But honestly, whenever I think about it, I feel a... pointlessness an unreachable longing. No matter what I do or how hard I try, I will never be at the top. I will never, ever be the best. And who's to say anyone is really the best. Do our lives amount to anything? If lives amount to lives, then the meaning is 0... or any other number really. Value can't really be placed, can it? The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy lies.

Why do I feel like such a failure all the time? Why do I feel this way? Do other people feel this way? Do they look at the other person and wonder, "What are they good at?" I almost feel like a stepping stone at times. Like, I'm a foothold for others to get ahead. I really do. Do I do it willingly? Unknowingly? I like to help... but...

Do my dreams matter? Does anyone's?

Life is such a scary illusion.

But fear is an illusion as well.

Cheers...

Reed R Gale

Day 11 (Kind of)

Oops. Missed a few days.

I remembered what I wanted to say though. Is something important because we waste time on it, or is it that we waste time on something because it's important. Both I'd say.

ANYWAY, not much has happened. I gave my presentation on Wednesday, and today I finished my article. And I found out that someone entered me in the school pageant. What. What? WHAT!? Whatever. I'll participate. I haven't gotten to sing in front of a crowd since middle school's choir.

That's something I miss at high school, there's no choir to participate in. Our school is very STEM oriented, so there's no sports team (save for Ultimate Frisbee) and Robotics. Sporty. I can't deny, those require teamwork and Frisbee is like soccer with your hands... but come now, 2 teams? Whatever. But they don't have choir. I am displeased.

My sister asked me if I believed in God. I said, if God exists, he will treat me fairly. He knows what I'm going to do anyway. She also said I was sad, as in pitiable for not having anything to believe in. I said I believe in my friends, myself, and my family. If I can't trust those, why should I trust in a cosmic being that only puppeteers us all. I trust what I can see.

Love. How do you use the word? Love to me is something that you like so much you would be willing to die for it. I don't love anything. I think. Or maybe I love everything. I feel so many things are above me in worth. So many deny that though. I'm glad they think that way... but I wonder. I bring this up because my cat, who has been missing for the past week, has returned. She had a nasty gash on her face and had to have surgery. Poor thing.

But that's not why I was thinking what I was thinking. My sister thinks that I feel happy and that I love my cat. By her definition, yes, I might. Should I answer that way to her, or should I try to inform her what I believe is different. One is lying, but the other will lead her to misunderstand. How can one truly understand another?

Does anyone even try? Probably, but I think... well trying implies failure. But I've gotta wonder--has anyone ever known anyone completely?

Maybe God knows?

Cheers!

Reed R Gale

Day 10

What is the meaning of the internet and is it more important than the meaning of life?

34.

Anyway!

Not much happened today so I'll just go on a psychological ranting spree like usual. In my mind. But now it's one a blog! Yippy!

Paracosm. That's a new word I learned a while ago, and I was wondering if I have one. I still vividly dream of fantasy worlds at night, and before I go to bed, I always try to imagine another world. Contrary to what stuff online says, my paracosm gets stronger and more vivid as I get older and not the other way round. If that were possible. Have I discovered the fountain of youth?

No.

I've been reading the rules of the internet. Those are so true. Reading them (if you are a person relatively versed in the culture of the internet) will be so true and so funny to you. But not to those silly internet illiterate people who have LIVES. Those silly people.

It's nagging me in the back of my head. I had something I wanted to say here just an hour previously, but now I have forgotten! Woe is me! What intellectual jewel hath I forgotten about that I cannot post on this awesomely beautiful blog! I deserve to dieeeee---...

Or not. If I died, who would continue to blog here. And help my friends on osu.

Speaking of death, my friends at school and I have a running gag that I can die, and in fact die quite frequently, however I come back on Tuesdays. Why Tuesday? It seemed right at the time.

Who knows, really.

Cheers!

Reed R Gale

Day 9

I really don't feel like writing right now, but I promised myself. I can do this.

...I just read about two webcomics. I'm awesome.

Anyway, now that I'm a little less distracted, guess what I have for all you readers out there (population 0)~! Religious stuff!

So God is supposed to be an omnipotent, omniscient being that creates us all, right? If that's true, he knows exactly how we're going to turn out when were created, everything we're going to do, and every that well ever be done, ever. If that's true, then isn't everything we do the will of God? He planned it all, every step of the way, right?

My point is, why bother trying to be something you're not. If God made you the way you are, do what you think is right. Whatever you choose, God intended it to be that way.

Right?

Whatever, it doesn't really matter anyway.

I'm tired. I got 5 hours of sleep last night.

Good night.

Cheers?

Reed R Gale

Day 8

Happy Confirmation day! For my friends.

Religion isn't a huge pursuit of mine, but it's important to a lot of my friends, so cheers to them for finishing their Confirmation course! Epic. They can now continue down the path to God's awesomeness. Or something.

God is a wrathful, but cool guy. He actually took the time out of his busy day to make his son do recon on the human race. That man, while we nailed him to a cross, reported that we are, indeed, forgivable and all that jazz. Jesus is coo. Hey Zeus!

Anyway! I don't have much psychological bullshit going on today. My friend mentioned that I'm like this:

"Hmm. Those are traits :3 You are stoic most of the time. You don't show much active emotion. You are contemplative, and you seem to see the world in your own light, which is really cool ^_^ you can be a bit cynical at times too you are honest to the extent of my knowledge, and your motivation at times seems solely based on the fact that you hate doing nothing ^_^"


For the most part, it seems rather true. Am I that easy to read?


Meh. I kinda wanted to be more mysterious.


":) What? Not to your liking?"

Don't read my mind now.

Not much else to... I lied. Okay, so I wrote before I was writing a story for a friend. I guess I could talk about that. Fill up that 10 minute time period (more or less). Basically, we're trying to write a game off of my dimension idea. I'm the writer. That was kinda boring.

Okay, so the story is about a girl named Ardea in the Medieval Ages, who wants to become a knight like her father, but her mother (and the rest of the world) wants her to be a good proper young lady and to learn girly things and the like. She doesn't take that crap from no one and plans to get out while she can.


Maybe I'll post some of the stuff up here some time. Eventually. Maybe. I might. I probably won't. Yeah. I don't think I will.

Cheers!

Reed R Gale

Day 7

Oh wow. A whole week has gone by. And I haven't missed a day of blogging yet. Cool.

Not much happened today. I failed a test in Literature because I know the lowest test will be dropped, I think I passed the Spanish test, my speech was delayed in Physics... again. Oh yes, and I learned how to make my article better. Angles.

Angles are beautiful. They allow you to see things from a different perspective. I've thought this way for a while, but whenever I heard about angles of a story, I was kind of thinking in terms of 90 degree angles. Good, bad, neutral. Three sides. When honestly, those are just regions. They harbor all the different points of view one can take when hearing the argument.

But I still wonder how many of us think for ourselves. In a world of so much mingling, like our world today, our thoughts are very much influenced by the media surrounding us. How many of us actually think original thoughts. In the whole scheme of things, isn't life a gigantic road of self discovery? Is death really the end of the road.

My friend brought up an interesting point... from me. We were talking about roads how life is a path which we travel. I kept telling my friend to stop looking back at the past. He said that sometimes, the past is more fun. Then I said, "Isn't it more fun to walk forward with your eyes closed?"

Fun, but ignorant. I lied there a little bit. I do walk forward with my eyes closed sometimes, but does it really matter? The road of life is a dark one. I can't really make definite shape of what I see on it. Everything is misty and confusing. But I can say I almost never look back. All metaphorically of course.

I'm so meta even this acronym

I always think of that when I think of metaphorically. Okay, not always, but a lot of the time. That one line is an interesting puzzle, indeed. Life is a puzzle, really, with no set goal in mind we turn the infinite x infinite Rubik's Cube of life to get interesting colors all on one side, but no one can really see the whole cube.

I make really stupid comparisons at times.

Well I promised my friend I'd work on his story for his game a little tonight. So I will.

Cheers!

Reed R Gale